


Alcohol won't mend a broken heart. But that doesn't mean I won't try it again tonight.

by V_mum



Series: The Reader Insert Series [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, M/M, Punnery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 01:01:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7487196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_mum/pseuds/V_mum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“HE-HEHEH- HEY- HEHE, you put th’ 'H-HO-HOT ASS' in sh-SHOT GLASS.”</p><p>“pffff- you- you're real fuckin’ drunk, bone- bone daddy.”</p><p>“m’not drunk, 'm jus’ into-tox-icay-cayte-ted by ya.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alcohol won't mend a broken heart. But that doesn't mean I won't try it again tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> this'll be a pretty short story...  
> ...mostly just for my own amusement because this idea has been following me rampantly lately

You may or may not be several drinks deep.

Just like skeleton may or may not actually be right next to you.

Whom may or may not exist.

And also may or may not appear more drunk than you.

The skeleton may or may not be _hammered_.

There is certainly something magical in the way that alcohol destroys inhibitions.

“Dude. Aye. Dude, ya’ real?” You lean over to nudge him.

The response you get is a low guttural moan.

“Longer I look at you, th’ less real ya seem.”

“’M real, m’real- fuc…fuck…”

“m-m’dude, ya drunk ‘s hell.”

“N-naaahhh.”

“howss’a halluci-nay-nated skelley get, get uh, drunk?”

“Alcohol.”

“You right.”

Skeleton guy lets out another pitiful moan and you check your watch. Mostly incoherently, but, you somehow recognize the bar is going to close out soon.

“A-alright, s-sgo, bonesy.” You scrabbled off your bar seat, and drunkenly started pulling the skeleton out of his. He certainly felt real. “We- we- get’cha home.”

“Awh.”

“Let- lets go, bon-boney bitchh.”

He laughs as you lip his arm around your shoulders and stumbled your way for the door and onto the streets.

You vaguely remember talking to him throughout the night after he’d come in and sat next to you. He was definitely real.

…you think.

“Al- alr-gh- ok-okay, home, boneda-daddy. Which way?”

“i- i- uh- short- short cut.” He pointed and you started that way, lurching unsteadily, pulling him along. You rounded the corner or the building into a blind alley.

Probably a bad idea.

Whatever.

A weird feeling buzzed around you that aggravated your drunken state a little, but, when you came out of the other end of the alley… you were in an area of the city that was nowhere near where you’d been.

Who the hell cares. Less walking. Good shit.

Drunk skeleton points you at a building across the street and you stumble into some apartment building and make it into the elevator.

You’ve just hit the floor button for the number he mumbled and the doors are just shutting as he bursts into laughter.

“HE-HEHEH- HEY- HEHE, you put th’ 'H-HO-HOT ASS' in sh-SHOT GLASS.”

“pffff-” you crack up, too, wow that was good. “you- you real fuckin’ drunk, bone- bone daddy.”

“m’not drunk, 'm jus’ into-tox-icay-cayte-ted by ya.”

“Guy- d-dude, bruhh.” You can’t stop laughing.

It takes you both a moment to notice the elevator stopped and the doors were open, and you drag him out of the elevator and down the hall.

The door he nods at is unlocked- even a drunk you recognizes that is not safe- and you manage it open without dropping the drunken weight on your side.

“beeeddd timmeee.” You practically sing, still laughing, and force your way through a neat looking apartment toward what looks like bedrooms.

The skeleton makes a grabbing motion at a door and you open that one.

This rooms a god forsaken mess, and you laugh again, as you straggle toward the bed.

“A-aye-- Do y’like- blow- blowjobs, or sex on th’beach? ’m talkin’ C-COCK-tails f’course!”

You can’t help it, you buckle and the both of you fall on the bed as you descend into laughter.

“I wanna ssss- s-slam dunk your face w’ m’face.”

“y-you- you’re soooo dr-drnk that wasn’t ev-even a joke.” You laugh anyway because, wow.

There’s the sound of someone scrabbling over the bed and before you know it, an upside down skeleton is leaning over you and pressing his teeth to your lips. It buzzes with magic like a strange stimulation you’ve never felt.

“Get- get dunk- dunk’d ooonnn.”

You are silent for a few moments of shock, and then laughing wildly.

You manage out a response with drunken-enhanced excitement bubbling in your stomach. “m’wasted b-but, uh, th’condom in m’wallet doesn’t have t’a be.”

He’s found his way to sit on your hips, straddling you with hands on your hips, now right side up again. You notice how much his face is glowing with a soft blue.

“Cha-allenge ‘ccepted. N’vr back down from’a good- good _boning_.”

You’re already handsing his shirt off, to his amusement. “cmon, w-wanna- wanna see- see ya bare _bones_.” You laugh and he laughs too.

“th-think I’think you’d look- _breast_ with your cloth’es off ri-right now.” You both laugh as he pulls your shirt off.

You two trade puns and take turns pulling each other’s clothes off, laughing all the while, until Sans goes last and you’re introduced to an interesting solution to the problem of “how does a skeleton sex” that you hadn’t realized until now, and the solution turns out to be a radical looking magic dick.

“q-quit-quite the _glow_ jo-job that’d b-be.”

Sans busts a gut then and there and falls right off you, rolling onto his back on the bed.

You follow suit, now straddling him instead.

Drunk unsteady hands are immediately exploring his bones on free rein. His laughter strangles into a weak moan.

“Yo-You-u and I, we’re, uh. Verryyy drunk.” You point out, suddenly removing your hands. “anyyy reasons why this’s uh, a _bad_ idea?”

This was not your first drunken rodeo. You didn’t frequent it- in fact, this was the first one in a long while. You were on a rebound, honestly. Nasty break up after three long years with a significant other who cheated on you.

You found that in previous experiences, partners asked this question suddenly changed their mind because for them  it _was_ a bad idea at the time- they were dating someone or just didn’t feel comfortable for a reason you didn’t know.

Under you, Sans stopped moving and his thoughts trailed off along that path. You already knew the answer before you got it, but you waited patiently for him to say it anyway.

“u-uhh- -uh, ac-actually, can- can we- not- I- I- mean…”

You slid off I'm easily, and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Alright.”

Despite that, both his hands latched out and pulled you down to his side and he clung tight.

You chuckled, pulling up his blanket.

You fell asleep there not long after him.

**Author's Note:**

> my only reason for writing this is because it was fun


End file.
